trust & obey
sometimes i get the urge to scream while studying. but not merely because i’m engaged in the act of studying. i mean, sure, sometimes, heck 99% of the time, i’m pressed for time, limited with sleep, and my brain is at the constant threshold of over-saturation. these moments definitely elicit a great desire to scream, but sometimes, just sometimes, when i take the words deeply, the content and nature of what i study shakes my heart. it rises and swells. it burns with compassion. it desires to go out and engage the world. loved ones. distant ones. all. no exceptions. during such moments, i forget just how inadequate i feel to be a recipient of God’s word. rather, i go forth encouraged by it, confident that by it people may come to be changed by God’s loving grace.
this is usually when i sit back in my chair and tell myself to calm down a bit. i then ask myself a series of questions, “what can practically be done sam”? “what can you do at this very moment for His sake”? “who do you intend to reach out to, and how”? i usually come up with answers that do not cause me to leave my seat. instead i continue sitting there, as the fire smolders to ash. this becomes quite the discouragement because when i try to answer these questions i realize it is not easy to talk frankly with another brother, sister, stranger, friend, foe, family, anyone. borrowing from P. Jae’s sermon today, people have built their own castles and walls, essentially their defenses in order to hide from others, but ultimately from God, thus representing their distant waywardness from their Creator. this allows the new property owner to be his/her own god, to make their own rules. to decree what they desire to live by, with the walls blocking all outer (truthful) interference from ruining their feigned sense of utopia.
it is a discouraging world we live in. when even “close” friends just spend time together without talking about anything of truly everlasting significance. i am no better. but i also know many of us have this desire for greater closeness, intimacy, and ultimately a community which would allow such honest, loving, God-honoring relationships to flourish. and if this is not found in the church, where will it ever exist on this side of heaven? if a gathering of Christ’s own disciples do not come together in such a manner, it will never genuinely exist elsewhere because it is only through Christ that genuine love and honesty exists. therefore, it is upon the church to offer such an environment, and top to bottom, it means that everyone must come with such an expectancy, with such a determination, to see such an air enjoyed by all who enter through the crimson lintels.
of course there are some days when Christians do not feel very loving, very forgiving, nor in the mood to mingle and fellowship. i would suggest that such a Christian needs to repent for loving and forgiving out of their own volition. it is feigned and counterfeit. when one is basking in Christ, love simply overflows naturally since we are in communion with God and He is providing all that is necessary for our sustenance. and this spiritual sustenance is not only for our own enjoyment, but so that we may bless others with the hope we have in Christ. until we humbly accept the fact we have freely received grace, we will remain unable to freely give genuine grace. Lord, have mercy on us. may guilt and shame be vanquished. may unmerited grace and mercy saturate us, our family and friends, our churches, communities, co-workers, classmates, all whom we come across.
what i experience and what i desire are such disparate accounts that i am constantly faced with the temptation to lose courage. to simply give up hope in desiring something better, something that i still do not yet see, though i know it exists because the relationship i have with God validates this belief. ultimately, the problem comes down to who i believe to be the LORD. who dictates the future? what are the variables here? coming from a psych b/g it is fairly simple for me to do these humanistic calculations in the blink of an eye. when i begin to contemplate such minute details regarding any situation, alarms ought to be going off all around. when i’ve begun to think so humanistically i have already taken God out of the picture. i have either forgotten about His sovereignty and providence, or i have blatantly decided in disobedience that i know better than Him. i have forgotten that the Lord is God. i may be able to verbally and mentally agree with such notions, but does my heart follow suit? no, it usually does not comply until something goes terribly awry. that’s quintessentially the Christian’s constant struggle. ever since the Fall, we’ve been battling God for the title of God, thinking we know better. though we may not come outwardly and say it, such a belief, which is so far removed from the truth, is evident by the way we choose to live. Adam and Eve’s greatest mistake in eating of the fruit was that they desired to be like God, though they were already made in His image. what more do we want? evidently, just a little bit more. rather than obeying God’s words, we have all gone astray, each to his own way. at the end of the day, if we are not trusting in Him, we must repent lest our little castles will slowly become a great empire. at which point i wonder, which destruction/loss will be greater? the one with little or much? better a humble abode upon the solid rock than a lavish estate on the sands.
i’ll reiterate, much easier said than done, but don’t lose hope. i simply write this because our “walks” are shaped by our theology, our thoughts concerning God. we must be reminded time and time again of who our God is. it is all too easy to forget, or gloss over His necessity in our overly insignificant hustle and bustle when compared to the worship He deserves. this message needs to be taken with a dose of humility, but any true Christian understands this and is brought back to the best and worst place. the fact they are receiving His grace is great, but the fact we ourselves can never do anything to ever merit this grace, is the worst. thus, we must humbly admit our total depravity if we are to better understand this grace, better understand that to trust God is right, while the opposite is the worst philosophy/wisdom anyone can live by. unfortunately, when we are away from God, we never fail in making the worst decisions ten out of ten times. we’re that bad at thinking we’re good, or that good at thinking we’re not all that bad.
i digress.
i leave an old school chorus for anyone struggling through their days. unfortunately, business does not die down when internal turmoil is at catastrophic levels. so a little tune will have to do…”trust and obey, for there is no better way than to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.” such a simple song from my childhood days, but so hard to truly live out. it is a constant struggle. but the moment i stop struggling i’ve essentially given up on hope. keep on hoping, then wait and see. the LORD is a covenant keeper (we are the breakers).
