aged wisdom.
apologies. been back for nearly a month now yet i’ve written nothing. i would like to say this was intentional in the sense that i didn’t know how to translate 6 weeks of experiences into a couple of blogs. so instead, i chewed on them a bit and kept them in queue, hoping to apply and integrate them instead of simply writing them off and forgetting everything i’ve witnessed.
month later and i’m still not done but at least things seem to be clarifying. i’m back, really trying not to be the same person i used to be. i feel like God has been really gracious to me, allowing me to still have hope despite my sins. so i come back renewed and really looking forward to this next year of seminary. taking less credits so that i can (hopefully) absorb and digest more rather than simply regurgitate. i’m also really looking forward to what God will do to GCC, Spirit is definitely moving and i want to be more involved with that.
anyway, i wanted to write about a noteworthy saying i heard from my mom this morning. there are few people in my life that i will truly listen to with very few grains of salt because i trust their wisdom, life’s experience, and i see how they worship God. to name the majority, it’d have to be both of my parents and also Pastor Jae.
so my mom walked into my room this morning and plopped down next to me and we chatted for about 1/2 hour. we talked about girls (hah!), or rather she asked me about my potentials, but i told her i got none. she then began to point out some flaws of mine and rather than argue against her and say “noooooo, you couldn’t be more wrong!” i took it and saw that she made some valid points and i’m glad i didn’t let my flesh get the best of me. we then started talking about my strengths and that’s when she said something very profound, “your potential can become your short-coming”.
this was said in the context of over-relying on strengths and not enough prayer. therefore, my strengths and potential becoming my shortcomings. sure, okay, nothing new when i say this on paper, but when it comes to practical living it sounds amazingly difficult if not ridiculous to not rely on my own strengths. after all, these are my God-given abilities, that i’m sure of! so why not?
why sell myself short? why trust in gifts when i can trust in the living God? surely, undoubtedly, it is more difficult to actively trust and seek Him in the face of pressing circumstances and simply trust in what i know i can do, but again, i’m settling. again, i am depending more on myself, i am thinking i am independently able, “let me do it” type of mentality rather than “okay, God has graced me w/these but i still want His blessing, His guidance because i want His will to be done, not my own, His best to become my best”.
this is where it gets difficult. in everyday life. bringing our confessional theology, the things we are able to think and easily believe in on Sundays, down to our practical/functional theology, how we really operate, what really motivates us monday-friday and on the weekends, where we feel like we are entitled to do whatever we want to do, and sometimes at the expense of others and always ourselves.
this is something that i’m still working on. not becoming overly-reliant on my gifts. but rather learning what it means to be completely dependent, whereby the potential of these gifts are truly maximized. and also bridging the gap between my confessional and practical theologies. it started off kind of large, but i hope to bring it together with God’s grace.
